Oh, my sweet Zen,” Alyssa wrote. “The soreness I felt in my arm from holding you is slowly fading away. It’s a painful reminder that you are no longer here. I caught myself looking in the backseat as I was driving only to see the mirror no longer reflecting your perfect face back at me. When I close a door too loudly, I hold my breath and wince knowing a soft cry will shortly follow. It doesn’t come. The silence is deafening
But by the time we found out that he had another condition,” he continued. “And I think it was called, if I’m not mistaken, fluid that was building up in his head, and that was the cause.” Referring to the condition hydrocephalus, he added, “His head was starting to get big. When we found out it was more, they called it a malignant tumor in his head. Immediately, we had to have surgery. Brain surgery.”
Alyssa also detailed their journey over the past few months, writing, “These last 5 months we have been in this race together. We would hand the baton off to each other. You kept me going. It would be the middle of the night and you would smile at me. A surge of energy would fill my body and pure joy would radiate from within me. We were a team, both determined to see it through. It feels unbearable running without you now. I can’t.
Alyssa, who is also mom to an older daughter from a previous relationship, concluded her post, “And in this moment I feel myself being carried. By your sister… By God. By complete strangers encouraging me to not give up. It has been an honor and privilege being your mommy… I will love you for eternity.”
In his devastating announcement, Nick also praised Alyssa for her strength throughout such a difficult time. “Alyssa was just the strongest woman I have ever seen,” he told the show’s audience. “Never had an argument, never was angry. She was emotional when she needed to be but was always the best mom and continues to be the best mom possible. So, I’ve got to say thank you to my entire family but specifically to Alyssa.”