Alejandro Palomas: “The fact that my rapist died made me feel another kind of orphan”

alexander bathroom Publish This was not said (Ediciones Destino), a book that mixes graphic novel, poetry, and prose, was published ten months after it was announced that Jesus Linares, a professor at La Salle Premià, had raped him when he was eight. His heartbreaking testimony shook the institution, and the promotions of former and future students to Palomas raised their voices in the reports I published. Catalonia newspaper To say they also experienced sexual abuse from the same pedophilia. Despite the earthquake, the author feels that the fact of this was fleeting and that in order to change reality, the solidity of a book is needed, a notebook of all things not talked about when one suffers sexual abuse like a little boy.

P. four days ago to tell him that Jesus Linares, the teacher he raped at La Salle Premià, had just died … I felt?

R was found. Another form of orphan. That when he died, he took a part of me that he could never touch again. who turned into a ghost. That the person who ruined my childhood is no longer human and I still don’t know how to live that.

Q: Does that mean you feel sorry?

R was found. no. But this emptiness created a part of me. It has been very present in me my whole life. He killed an eight-year-old boy. I also noticed that when he died I stopped being a victim because I was an activist.

P. Is your case buried but the social problem of sodomy remains?

R was found. From now on for me, the problem is no longer personal and my struggle is more social.

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s. You received the news of his death over the phone. And on the phone, he seemed unemotional …

R was found. From the beginning, the fact that Jesus Linares died was not important to me. I almost felt guilty because I didn’t feel anything. Later, I began to appreciate what she meant. I was about to have a conversation about This was not said And I thought, “How powerful is that happening now.” He went for not reading it. That you don’t know the truth. Not knowing how much he did. He even runs away from this. He is a fugitive.

Q: Was the book written for him to read?

R was found. I can’t even imagine him reading this book. It gives me a lot of disgust. Before I started the book talk, I had to go to the bathroom and vomit. Then you’re fine. It was an automatic reaction. My body learned years ago that pain manifests itself through illness.

P. With his death his criminal responsibility has evaporated…

R was found. I would give anything because I didn’t care.

P. The investigation with EL PERIÓDICO and eldiario.es succeeded in finding the victims who committed the unspeakable crimes of Linares and a trial may have been reached in this case. There were victims who denounced you too, moved by your story & mldr;

R was found. Yes, but the fact that I saw it was very complicated. Imagine that Linaris will die before that happens. it is too late. So much so that there were so many numbers that his death came before justice. I also feel guilty for speaking up so late.

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Q: In your book This was not said Carrying a lot of guilt?

R was found. The worst of my case was psychological abuse. I got out of it I don’t know if I was the reason. I had to work a lot on this guilt.

Q: Did you live in your childhood trap?

R was found. I don “t think so. Until January [cuando Palomas hizo públicos los abusos sufridos por parte de Linares]I don “t think so. But when I talk about it, I realize that the things I do or feel have a common denominator that takes me there. Among them, write it down.

Q: Is this thread leading to your parents?

R was found. Both died a year and a half ago. They are the most important characters of my childhood. Linares is also a negative number, but it is a very important number. With the death of the three I no longer had a childhood. The witnesses of those years are over. The only Alexander left is the one I keep. The child is orphaned. Linaris built a wall between the child before the rape and the wall after. With his death, this wall has fallen a little, and these days some forgotten memories that were before Linares come back. But my mother isn’t here, I can’t share it with her. This makes me sad

P. Do you regret that you did not talk about how you feel with your mother?

R was found. I thought she didn’t talk to me about this because she felt guilty that she didn’t do more. Now I guess he didn’t because he thought doing it would hurt me. Now I know my mother would be happy to support me in all of this, through a book like this.

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Q: Is it a book that evokes demons?

R was found. It is a luminous book. It’s not to conjure demons. It is talking about what has not been talked about. In the wake of.

Q: Do you intend to help people who have gone through the same thing?

R was found. They will stop feeling lonely because they will learn about many things that happen after being abused: it was written by someone who went through it. They will feel comfortable. Not only the victims, but also their loved ones, who may better understand their partner or child.

Q: Would feeling like the book help you?

R was found. very much. My form of activity is writing.

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